Angels

Spotted figures of so-called schizophrenia In a three-month period I experienced, the effect of the psychosis I entered according to psychiatrists' definition increased and reached a schizophrenic point. I consider myself fortunate to be one of those who are rarely aware of their own condition. I knew what I was experiencing, harboring neither fear nor anxiety. The figurative spots flowing before my eyes, though not as colorful as I depicted them, would not be wrong to describe as extraordinary. The human mind is free and rich in variation; whether I call them mutant faces or beings, it is a boundless creative force. A unique science fiction of its own. The contour variations of the figures that emerged and moved on the surface were rich. Contour boundaries and the patterns they contained were adjacent to each other, sometimes intertwined, overlapping and side by side. I remained watching their flow from surfaces, grounds, and sometimes from the atmosphere at varying speeds. Sometimes a figure that caught my attention more would slow down, allowing me to observe it thoroughly. I think I was the one directing the flow speed of these figures. Neither fear overcame me nor anxiety about the future. It was as if I somehow knew from within that what I was experiencing was temporary. I am fortunate to have been able to possess this fearless consciousness. What would happen if I were trapped inside a schizophrenic with abundant visual richness, what would happen if I were stigmatized. According to psychiatry, schizophrenia is a syndrome that is seen as chronic, not acute, and has continuity. First, I received support from psychiatric medications, but later I gave up because I was too lazy to go to the hospital every month. The journey was two hours. I struggled without medication, got bored, felt overwhelmed, but this situation carried me to a point where I should be. The medications did not prevent these illusions, but they solved my sleep problem and relieved the fatigue created by the unique thing I was experiencing. My curiosity about mysticism and metaphysical subjects that I had always felt also caused my current situation to seem like a blessing to me. My reconciliation with this extraordinary syndrome that I found interesting rather than terrible was easy. The detailed quality of the patterns I observed was amazing. Among the amorphous faces waving the flag of freedom from every angle, mythological beings sometimes mixed in. These were winged white and black dragons. This mythical figure has always influenced me. At my mother's request, who realized what I was experiencing, I was admitted to a clinic. About three months. Apart from all those interesting and unique figures I encountered, there were also special people I was happy to meet. They received me with an interest that amazed me. They spoke with me as if they had knowledge about the special thing I was experiencing. Some called me god, some angel, some gave different names from Anatolian myths that I didn't know and don't remember now. I didn't think much about how this happened and what it meant. The hospital did me no good other than gaining weight. Before, during, and after the hospital, while I was in the syndrome, there was a team of women and men speaking in my head. This team was observing me anatomically, trying to calm me down with suggestive words, making me feel they were by my side. The approaches of this suggestive team speaking in my head with the sensitivity of doctors made me think of them as angels. After all, I was watching a different dimension or witnessing the game my mind was playing on me. Sometimes they distanced me from the fear I would feel, making me smile and relax with their ridiculous comments. Sometimes they told me to kiss myself, love myself. It was as if they tried to keep me away from fear by normalizing this extraordinary situation with realistic approaches. They made me feel it was temporary. This visual and auditory "acute schizophrenia" syndrome that I experienced for three months with occasionally intensifying attacks remained as an unforgettable experience in my mind. In short, if there is an extraordinary high frequency phenomenon, I think I briefly touched it. Schizophrenia is not a temporary illness. The fact that these metaphysical experiences consist of the entirety of ancient human experiences being seen as meaningless and devoid of meaning reminds me of an arrogant blindness. Ignoring the metaphysical world, belittling it and considering it suitable for the ignorance of the rabble should leave one in shame. Metaphysics is the first step taken towards curiosity and truth. We have entered an age where acceptable experiments are conducted regarding the reality that other constants beyond evolutionary constants —nutrition, reproduction and geographical adaptation conditions— can see different dimensions. From Carl Jung to Freud, the dilemma of modern man is that the order he exists in is far from showing him the truth. In this endless order of possession and competition, the individual knowing his own truth and naturally being in cooperation for hundreds of centuries. In the early periods of Islam, enigmatic figures like Hallaj-i Mansur said they encountered Allah in their meditations. A scholar like Ibn Arabi expressed that Allah had him write one of his works. More rational masters like Ibn Rushd could openly express that they did not believe in fate and the afterlife. This polyphony disappeared over time. Spirituality and its practices seem to be consciously corrupted. The sharing of mystical experiences and esoteric secrets added a lot to humans but were hidden from ordinary people according to the rules. The point I want to reach is this: Whatever human or community it may be that considers nature, a mountain, a majestic animal as sacred; attributes divine powers to it; accepts more of a spiritual atmosphere whether it resembles or not mythological existential forms that may belong to different dimensions, including the Abrahamic religions that I prefer to call truth, the occupying environment created by the modern world and the value of material seem like the enemy of the conscience that the metaphysical world essentially creates. The pain and meaninglessness suffered by the being enslaved to non-stop gain and ownership —human or product—; some people's not giving importance to these nuclei or not being able to make sense of them makes them more human. The isolation and alienation of mind and being causes humans to distance themselves and build an imaginary world devoid of lost meaning. What I experienced was exactly because of this. Something must have been triggered when I started helping myself with meditation and some mystical exercises during a period when I was alone and in pain, and started reading every source I found. An escape. Schizophrenia is perhaps one of the methods found by the human mind; a conscious or unconscious, reflexive choice. I know schizophrenics who are satisfied with the world they enter during schizophrenic attacks. Most are unique and original with the poems, plastic arts or different practices they produce in their own worlds. Another important characteristic of theirs is that they do not carry concerns like being understood or liked. Most schizophrenic attacks certainly do not contain the spectacular excitement that I am said to have experienced. What was extraordinary was that despite the psychiatric acceptance that it is seen as acute, not accepted, and claimed to have a continuation, my syndrome harbored the feeling from the beginning that it would have an end. The neon colors I felt in my concentrated meditations and sometimes saw in the sky made me think that modern mystics say that sometimes this impressive level I reached in a short time is reached much earlier, sometimes after many experiences, and both are normal. In this case, I doubted whether what I experienced was a schizophrenic attack or a visual and auditory experience if my concentration capacity was above normal. I cannot consider myself to have experienced a troublesome sufi experience, but could I have reached the level of fana fillah, in my workshop all alone, without using any psychiatric medication; only through meditation, losing myself in the patterns I randomly drew freehand, and the dhikrs I occasionally performed, and also accompanied by the compositions of Gurdjieff, born in Kars, who told the world that telepathy was possible, blending Anatolian melodies, spinning around in the middle of my workshop? The deprivation caused by a tragic and painful separation I experienced seemed to lie at the essence of the matter. In fact, the whole effort began with the aim of getting rid of this deprivation. Suddenly falling from a devotion to nothingness. My escape from this nothingness became possible through non-stop production. I tried to record the illusion flowing before my eyes with paint, pencil and surfaces. The trapped enthusiasm was reflected on the surface. My first works were upcycle assemblages I realized with waste materials on large-sized house doors. Over time, I completely abstracted myself from any search. After the medications I quit, my sleep became forbidden; staying awake for days made me tense but carried me to a tired but intense consciousness. I watched the clouds. My view was a boundless horizon. First, I looked for figures in the clouds. These shapeless or shaped figures in this totality flowing before my eyes became my source of inspiration. What else could I try to depict. I enjoyed it. Here, these figures, mostly drawn in mixed technique on 70x100 plexiglass, are replicas of these observations. I tried to draw some of them as if they came from another artist's drawing. Quite a difficult endeavor. A person's drawing is like their own fingerprint; I didn't want to follow a specific style and pattern. This effort of mine could continue throughout the flow of the said moving figures. Defining my works as "abstract graffiti" seems appropriate to me. Although each created figure has separate forms from each other, when they come intertwined, overlapping and side by side, they reach a composition and wholeness. In this age when new physics can observe geometric shapes from other dimensions, I too tried to convey figurative interpretations belonging to another dimension that accompany these geometric shapes and that I once witnessed with excitement —perhaps produced by my mind, perhaps like sacred plants show us— as much as my hand allowed; with the agility of a street artist's or graffiti artist's tag.

• Painting Type: Acrylic
• Year: 2025
• Style: Abstract
• Subject Matter: Figure
• Surface: Wood Panel
• Dimensions: Width: 70 × Height: 100 × Depth: 0.004
• Orientation: Vertical/Portrait
• Frame: Unframed
• Color Palette: Multicolor
• Technique: Brush Work
• Finish: Varnished
• Signature: Signed
• Condition: Excellent
• Authenticity: Original
• Edition: Edition Number: 17