Bugs

According to psychiatry, schizophrenia is not acute but a chronic syndrome with continuity. First I got support from psychiatric medications, but then I gave up because I was too lazy to go to the hospital every month. The journey is two hours. I struggled without medication, got bored and overwhelmed, but this situation took me to a point where I should be. The medications don't prevent these illusions, but they solve my sleeping problem and relieve the fatigue caused by the unique thing I experience. The curiosity I've always had about mysticism and metaphysical subjects made me feel that my current situation seemed like a blessing to me. My reconciliation with this extraordinary syndrome that I find interesting rather than terrible was very easy. The detailed quality of the patterns I observed was truly amazing. Sometimes mythological beings also mixed among the amorphous faces waving the flag of freedom from every angle. These were winged white and black dragons. This mythical figure has always impressed me greatly. At my mother's request, who became aware of what I was experiencing, I was admitted to a clinic. About three months. Apart from all the interesting and unique figures I encountered, let's say special people whom I was happy to meet, they greeted me with an interest that amazed me. They talked to me as if they had knowledge of the special thing I was experiencing. Some called me god, some angel, some gave me different names from Anatolian myths that I didn't know and don't remember now. I didn't think much about how this happened and what it means. The hospital did me no good other than gaining weight. Before, during and after the hospital, while I was in the syndrome, there was a team of men and women talking in my head. This team was observing me anatomically, trying to calm me down with suggestive words, making it clear that they were with me. The doctor-like sensitivity of this suggestive team talking in my head made me think of them as angels. After all, I was watching a different dimension or witnessing the game my mind was playing on me. Sometimes they kept me away from fear I would feel and made me smile and relax with their ridiculous comments. Sometimes they told me to kiss myself, to love myself. As if they tried to keep me away from fear by normalizing what I experienced with realistic approaches to this extraordinary situation. They made me feel it was temporary. This visual and auditory "acute schizophrenia" syndrome that I experienced for three months with occasionally intensifying attacks remained as an unforgettable experience in my mind. In short, if there is an extraordinary high frequency phenomenon, I think I had it for a short time. Schizophrenia is not a temporary illness that comes and goes. This attitude of these metaphysical experiences consisting of the totality of ancient human experiences being meaningless and expressing nothing reminds me of arrogant blindness. Ignoring the metaphysical world, belittling it and an attitude that sees it as suitable for the ignorance of the rabble should leave one in shame. Metaphysics is the first step taken towards curiosity and truth. We have entered an era where acceptable experiments are taking place regarding the validity of the fact that we can see other dimensions of different constants that can exist outside the evolutionary constants, nutrition, reproduction and geographical adaptation conditions. From Carl Jung to Freud, the dilemma of modern man is that the order in which he exists is far from showing him the truth. In this order where there is no end to possession and competition, an individual knowing his own truth and by his nature for hundreds of centuries being in cooperation. In the early periods of Islam, enigmatic figures like Hallaj Mansur also said that he encountered Allah in his meditation. A scholar like Ibn Arabi also said that Allah made him write one of his works. More rational masters like Ibn Rushd, for example, did not believe in fate and the afterlife and expressed this openly. This polyphony disappeared over time. Spirituality or practices seem to be consciously corrupted. The sharing of mystical experiences, esoteric secrets added a lot to people and were hidden from ordinary people according to rules. The point I want to reach, which I prefer to call the truth, including Abrahamic religions, finding nature, a mountain, a majestic animal sacred and attributing divine powers to it, whether it resembles or does not resemble mythological entity forms that may belong to different dimensions, whatever human or human community that accepts more of a spiritual atmosphere, the occupying environment created by the modern world and the value of material seems like the enemy of the conscience that the metaphysical world creates in its essence. The pain and meaninglessness caused by the being enslaved to constant acquisition and possession (human or product), or some people not giving importance to these nuclei or lacking meaning-making which makes them more human, the mind and being being isolated, alienated and moving away, causing them to build an imaginary world where this lost meaning does not exist. This was exactly the reason for what I experienced. When I was alone and in pain, something must have been triggered when I started to help myself with meditation and some mystical exercises and started reading every source I found. An escape. Schizophrenia may be one of the methods found by the human mind, perhaps conscious, perhaps unconscious, a reflexive choice. I know schizophrenics who are satisfied with the world they enter during schizophrenic attacks. Most of them are unique and original with poems, plastic arts, or different practices when they produce in their own worlds. Another important feature is that they are not concerned with being understood or liked by anyone. So much so that humans cannot help but say such a person like himself. Most schizophrenic attacks that I am said to have experienced do not contain spectacular excitement, of course. What is extraordinary is that despite psychiatry's constant claim that this acute condition is not accepted and will continue, I harbored the feeling that my syndrome would have an end. The neon colors I felt in my meditations and sometimes saw in the sky, modern mystics say that this impressive level I reached in a short time can sometimes be reached much earlier, sometimes after many experiences, and that both of these are normal. In this case, I doubt whether what I experienced was a schizophrenic attack or, since my concentration capacity is above normal, the visual and auditory syndrome I experienced is an acute schizophrenic case rarely encountered in medicine. I cannot consider myself to have had a laborious Sufi experience, but could I have reached the level of fana fillah in my lonely workshop without using any psychiatric medication, only with meditation, getting lost in the patterns I randomly drew with free hand and the dhikrs I occasionally performed, And with the compositions of Gurdjieff, the mystic born in Kars who tells the world that telepathy is possible, blending Anatolian melodies, spinning round and round in the middle of my workshop? The deprivation caused by a tragic and painful separation I experienced seems to lie at the root of it. In fact, the whole effort started with the aim of getting rid of this deprivation. Falling from a dedication suddenly into nothingness. My escape from this nothingness was possible with non-stop production. I tried to record the illusion flowing before my eyes with paint, pencil and surfaces. The trapped enthusiasm is reflected on the surface. The first works I made were upcycle assemblages using waste materials on large-sized house doors. Over time, completely abstracted from a search, even though my sleep became forbidden from the medications I quit, even though staying awake for days made me tense, it carried me to a tired but intense consciousness. I watched the clouds, my view was an endless horizon. First I continued to search for figures in the clouds. And all these shapeless or shaped figures in this wholeness flowing before my eyes became my source of inspiration. What else could I try to depict? I enjoyed it. Here, these figures generally drawn on 70x100 Duralit with mixed technique are replicas, similarities of these observations. I tried to draw some of them as if they came from another artist's drawing. Quite a difficult endeavor. A person's drawing is like their own fingerprint. I didn't want to follow a specific style and pattern. This endeavor of mine could continue throughout the flow of the moving figures in question. I find it suitable to define my works as abstract graffiti. Although each created figure has separate forms from each other, when they come together interlocked, overlapping, side by side, they reach a composition and integrity. In this age when new physics can observe geometric shapes from other dimensions, I also tried to provide the figurative interpretations that accompany these geometric shapes and that I once witnessed with excitement, perhaps produced by my mind, perhaps belonging to another dimension as some sacred plants show us, as much as my hand allows, by giving the agility of a street artist's or graffiti artist's tag or signature. The Stained Figures of So-Called Schizophrenia In a 3-month process I experienced, according to psychiatrists' definition, the psychosis I entered intensified and reached a schizophrenic point. As one of those who are rarely aware of their own condition, I consider myself lucky. I knew what I was experiencing, I harbored neither fear nor anxiety. The figured stains flowing before my eyes, although not as colorful as I painted them, would not be wrong to call this extraordinary. The human mind is an unlimited creator in producing free and varied mutant faces or beings, shall I say. A unique science fiction. The contour variations of the emerging and moving figures on the surface are rich. Contour boundaries and the patterns they contain are adjacent to each other and sometimes interlocked, overlapping and side by side. I watched their flows from surfaces and backgrounds, sometimes from the atmosphere at variable speeds. Sometimes a figure that attracted my attention more slowed down and allowed me to observe it closely. I think I was the one directing the flow speed of these figures. Neither fear overcame me nor anxiety about the future. As if I knew deep down that what I was experiencing was temporary. I am lucky to have been able to have this fearless consciousness. What would happen if I were trapped in a schizophrenia with rich visual abundance. What would happen if I were stigmatized. According to psychiatry, schizophrenia is not acute but a chronic syndrome with continuity. First I got support from psychiatric medications, but then I gave up because I was too lazy to go to the hospital every month. The journey is two hours. I struggled without medication, got bored and overwhelmed, but this situation took me to a point where I should be. The medications don't prevent these illusions but they solve my sleeping problem and relieve the fatigue caused by the unique thing I experience. The curiosity I've always had about mysticism and metaphysical subjects made me feel that my current situation seemed like a blessing to me. My reconciliation with this extraordinary syndrome that I find interesting rather than terrible was very easy. The detailed quality of the patterns I observed was truly amazing. Sometimes mythological beings also mixed among the amorphous faces waving the flag of freedom from every angle. These were winged white and black dragons. This mythical figure has always impressed me greatly. At my mother's request, who became aware of what I was experiencing, I was admitted to a clinic. About three months. Apart from all the interesting and unique figures I encountered, let's say special people whom I was happy to meet, they greeted me with an interest that amazed me. They talked to me as if they had knowledge of the special thing I was experiencing. Some called me god, some angel, some gave me different names from Anatolian myths that I didn't know and don't remember now. I didn't think much about how this happened and what it means. The hospital did me no good other than gaining weight. Before, during and after the hospital, while I was in the syndrome, there was a team of men and women talking in my head. This team was observing me anatomically, trying to calm me down with suggestive words, making it clear that they were with me. The doctor-like sensitivity of this suggestive team talking in my head made me think of them as angels. After all, I was watching a different dimension or witnessing the game my mind was playing on me. Sometimes they kept me away from fear I would feel and made me smile and relax with their ridiculous comments. Sometimes they told me to kiss myself, to love myself. As if they tried to keep me away from fear by normalizing what I experienced with realistic approaches to this extraordinary situation. They made me feel it was temporary. This visual and auditory "acute schizophrenia" syndrome that I experienced for three months with occasionally intensifying attacks remained as an unforgettable experience in my mind. In short, if there is an extraordinary high frequency phenomenon, I think I had it for a short time. Schizophrenia is not a temporary illness that comes and goes. This attitude of these metaphysical experiences consisting of the totality of ancient human experiences being meaningless and expressing nothing reminds me of arrogant blindness. Ignoring the metaphysical world, belittling it and an attitude that considers it suitable for the ignorance of the rabble should leave one in shame. Metaphysics is the first step taken towards curiosity and truth. We have entered an era where acceptable experiments are taking place regarding the validity of the fact that we can see other dimensions of different constants that can exist outside the evolutionary constants, nutrition, reproduction and geographical adaptation conditions. From Carl Jung to Freud, the dilemma of modern man is that the order in which he exists is far from showing him the truth. In this order where there is no end to possession and competition, an individual knowing his own truth and by his nature for hundreds of centuries being in cooperation. In the early periods of Islam, enigmatic figures like Hallaj Mansur also said that he encountered Allah in his meditation. A scholar like Ibn Arabi also said that Allah made him write one of his works. More rational masters like Ibn Rushd, for example, did not believe in fate and the afterlife and expressed this openly. This polyphony disappeared over time. Spirituality or practices seem to be consciously corrupted. The sharing of mystical experiences, esoteric secrets added a lot to people and were hidden from ordinary people according to rules. The point I want to reach, which I prefer to call the truth, including Abrahamic religions, finding nature, a mountain, a majestic animal sacred and attributing divine powers to it, whether it resembles or does not resemble mythological entity forms that may belong to different dimensions, whatever human or human community that accepts more of a spiritual atmosphere, the occupying environment created by the modern world and the value of material seems like the enemy of the conscience that the metaphysical world creates in its essence. The pain and meaninglessness caused by the being enslaved to constant acquisition and possession (human or product), or some people not giving importance to these nuclei or lacking meaning-making which makes them more human, the mind and being being isolated, alienated and moving away, causing them to build an imaginary world where this lost meaning does not exist. This was exactly the reason for what I experienced. When I was alone and in pain, something must have been triggered when I started to help myself with meditation and some mystical exercises and started reading every source I found. An escape. Schizophrenia may be one of the methods found by the human mind, perhaps conscious, perhaps unconscious, a reflexive choice. I know schizophrenics who are satisfied with the world they enter during schizophrenic attacks. Most of them are unique and original with poems, plastic arts, or different practices when they produce in their own worlds. Another important feature is that they are not concerned with being understood or liked by anyone. So much so that humans cannot help but say such a person like himself. Most schizophrenic attacks that I am said to have experienced do not contain spectacular excitement, of course. What is extraordinary is that despite psychiatry's constant claim that this acute condition is not accepted and will continue, I harbored the feeling that my syndrome would have an end. The neon colors I felt in my meditations and sometimes saw in the sky, modern mystics say that this impressive level I reached in a short time can sometimes be reached much earlier, sometimes after many experiences, and that both of these are normal. In this case, I doubt whether what I experienced was a schizophrenic attack or, since my concentration capacity is above normal, the visual and auditory syndrome I experienced is an acute schizophrenic case rarely encountered in medicine. I cannot consider myself to have had a laborious Sufi experience, but could I have reached the level of fana fillah in my lonely workshop without using any psychiatric medication, only with meditation, getting lost in the patterns I randomly drew with free hand and the dhikrs I occasionally performed, And with the compositions of Gurdjieff, the mystic born in Kars who tells the world that telepathy is possible, blending Anatolian melodies, spinning round and round in the middle of my workshop? The deprivation caused by a tragic and painful separation I experienced seems to lie at the root of it. In fact, the whole effort started with the aim of getting rid of this deprivation. Falling from a dedication suddenly into nothingness. My escape from this nothingness was possible with non-stop production. I tried to record the illusion flowing before my eyes with paint, pencil and surfaces. The trapped enthusiasm is reflected on the surface. The first works I made were upcycle assemblages using waste materials on large-sized house doors. Over time, completely abstracted from a search, even though my sleep became forbidden from the medications I quit, even though staying awake for days made me tense, it carried me to a tired but intense consciousness. I watched the clouds, my view was an endless horizon. First I continued to search for figures in the clouds. And all these shapeless or shaped figures in this wholeness flowing before my eyes became my source of inspiration. What else could I try to depict? I enjoyed it. Here, these figures generally drawn on 70x100 Duralit with mixed technique are replicas, similarities of these observations. I tried to draw some of them as if they came from another artist's drawing. Quite a difficult endeavor. A person's drawing is like their own fingerprint. I didn't want to follow a specific style and pattern. This endeavor of mine could continue throughout the flow of the moving figures in question. I find it suitable to define my works as abstract graffiti. Although each created figure has separate forms from each other, when they come together interlocked, overlapping, side by side, they reach a composition and integrity. In this age when new physics can observe geometric shapes from other dimensions, I also tried to provide the figurative interpretations that accompany these geometric shapes and that I once witnessed with excitement, perhaps produced by my mind, perhaps belonging to another dimension as some sacred plants show us, as much as my hand allows, by giving the agility of a street artist's or graffiti artist's tag or signature.

• Painting Type: Acrylic
• Year: 2025
• Style: Abstract
• Subject Matter: Figure
• Surface: Wood Panel
• Dimensions: Width: 70 × Height: 100 × Depth: 0.004
• Orientation: Vertical/Portrait
• Frame: Unframed
• Color Palette: Multicolor
• Technique: Brush Work
• Finish: Varnished
• Signature: Signed
• Condition: Excellent
• Authenticity: Original
• Edition: Edition Number: 10